I. Can't. Run.

I have mixed feelings about planning this wedding. Some of you may be saying, "Planning a wedding? Whitney, you still have ten months to go. Chill out!" By some people, I mean my fiance named Boyfriend and my stupid only friend/non-friend Emily. They might simultaneously be my favorite and least favorite people on the planet.

I love to plan things, but I hate to spend money, have attention on me and long drawn out processes.

So far, the planning really hasn't been that bad. For me. Emily and Zach need to tell me about 15 times per day that things will work out just fine and that I should stop stressing and that I'm a dummy head (Emily). So, they might have a different story to tell you about "how bad" it's been. And the good news, is that I can throw the "you still have ten months" comment in their faces because guess who gets to listen to me for those ten months????? Um. Yeah. 

In other news, I have a half marathon next weekend. I'm not ready. The last half marathon I did was a bust. A big fat one. I went into it already bored and not ready to run. My running partner and I split up pretty early on in the race, I wasn't going to hold him back. This is the first race I didn't finish. Ever! 

I thought maybe it would feel like a big deal, but I really didn't care. I still don't. I quit the race 10.5 miles into the 13.1 mile race. I just got to a point and said, "I'm done." and walked off the path. Since it was a midnight half-marathon, I needed to call Boyfriend to come pick me up, which he did! He got up at midnight, to come pick me up in the middle of nowhere-Centerville and followed my horrible directions that resulted in multiple wrong turns. Guys, he still asked me to marry him AFTER this. I should make sure he doesn't read this blog so that he isn't reminded of this ... 

This pathetic event got me back in the gym and I've been doing such a good job and feeling GREAT. But, it hasn't gotten me back on the track/road. I don't want to run right now! It is incredibly foreign to me. I've always been able to say, "I'm a runner." and now, I just say, "meh."

Whenever I think about running it makes me cringe inside. I don't go for a lot of mumbo-jumbo, but I think it is a psychological reaction. I ran a lot during my divorce, the last days of my marriage and throughout other, recent hard times. Lately, whenever I've finished a run I'm filled with rage. Just ask Boyfriend. One time he said, "How was your run?" And, I replied "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? DON'T ASK ME THAT!!!" and then I stomped off. It was psycho. 

So, running. Not a good thing right now. I'm still going to do this half marathon, but I'm going to take my time and do whatever. I love the upcoming race, I've done it every year since its creation. It goes down through the canyon and I get to see all of the fall colors, so I'm going to try and enjoy it. But other than that running isn't for me right now. I am enjoying my time on the elliptical while watching the Mindy Project and the old guys who play racquetball in the morning ... ohlalala!