The End of ... This Era

Hey guys,

 I moved my blog over to thepanickedpanda.wordpress.com. If you want to keep up on the adventures we're having, you can follow us there.

- Whitney

The Story of a Cat and Her Girl

I know that it sounds foolish or naive when I say, “I never thought about life without her.” But it's true. I was lucky enough to find mutual, unconditional love at age nine. She was small, black and perfect for me.  

It was September, and I remember my mom picking me up from school so that we could go search the local shelters. We went three days in a row and I still couldn't find the right kitten for me. I am a cat person, crazy cat lady through to my core. I stop and talk to them when I see them on the street. I adore other people’s cats the way some adore other’s children. However, as I searched I knew that I couldn’t take just any one of them home, I needed to find my kitten. At the end of the third day, I found her. She was sitting in the drop box outside of the pound. I always thought it was special that she never actually had to go in the pound; she was waiting for me.

On the way home, I named her Babybelle, so that I could call her “baby”. Whatever my intentions, she was destined for another name. From the beginning we called her Kitty. Whenever she would talk to us, asking us to fill up her food, pet her or maybe just bossing us around, we always responded, “Yes, Kitty, I know.” Or “Not right now Kitty, I’m busy.”

She never took “no” for an answer though. She had spunk, she was bossy. When she was younger, if we stopped petting her too soon or walked past without acknowledging her, she would swat our ankles and bite them if she could catch up to us quick enough.

She was vivacious but clumsy as a kitten. Whenever I came up the stairs, she would hide and try to pounce on me, but often only succeeded in launching herself straight up, she would then bounce on her hind legs for a split second before darting off to the corner. Eventually she honed her skills and over the years, we dealt with many headless mice on the front porch and birds let loose in the house.

Once, I “invented” a game. I was annoying her and got her riled up; then I decided it would be fun to have my little brother pet her, I knew she would probably bite him, but the plan was that I would jump in and save him from disaster in the nick of time. I could see it in my mind, it was perfect, it was fun.

Unfortunately, I’m very slow. I yelled, “Nick! Come pet Kitty!” And before I could ride in and save the day, she lashed out. “She bit me!!!” He screamed and started to cry. I didn’t know how to begin to explain myself and my stupid idea. I got in trouble, she didn’t.

She knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want. She hated kids and had an unending power struggle with my dad, which climaxed when she pooped on him one night while he slept. She was a very brave cat.

She loved shrimp and yogurt, whenever she heard the soft pop of a yogurt lid she would run into the kitchen, demanding, in no uncertain terms, that it be given to her. She loved soft scratches on her head, but not her tummy. You received a sharp bite if you ever tried to touch her soft paws. I always tried to touch her paws.

Of all the things she loved, she loved me best of all. I was hers and she was mine. We grew up together. If she was out playing in my parents’ field, all I had to do was yell, “Babybeeeeeeelle” out the back door and she would come leaping through the grasses.

In all our years, all she ever wanted from me was food, to be pet, talked to and loved. She always had a place to curl up on the edge of my bed at night and a ray of sunshine to sprawl in, in the morning.

When I left my husband and moved back home, she was waiting for me, and I didn’t feel lost anymore. We snuggled, we talked. Every once in awhile, I caught myself when we were talking and realized, that yes, I was having a back and forth conversation with a cat. Whenever this happened it felt surreal because I knew we could understand each other. She knew me in my heart, which is where it actually matters.

When I started dating Zach and eventually moved in with him, he knew Kitty and I were a package deal. The way he loved her, made me love him more. Whenever he made something with meat, he always set aside pieces for her, neither one of them wanted anything to do with my vegetarian ways. It was common to see him at the stove with her right at his feet waiting for little morsels. He quickly learned that any unattended water glass would have a little paw dipped in it and that his ice cream wasn’t really all his. The best days were the three of us in that apartment. It didn’t matter what we were doing, though usually we were snuggling on the couch, watching reruns of The Office.

I don’t believe in heaven or any sort of afterlife. I know Kitty isn’t in a better place. The best place for her and for me was together. It was the best place until the vet told us she was suffering and that any fight that modern medicine could make would prolong that suffering. Her kidneys were failing and failing fast. She had gone from playing, running up and down the hall with us, to barely moving. He told me, “If you want more time with her, you can take her home for one more night -- but she won’t have a good night.” He told us that she was miserable and that her body was shutting down.

I knew the choice was not a choice. There were no other options, because those options were about me, and this was about her. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but I’m never going to be ready.

We called my parents who came up as quickly as they could, I’m so lucky to have great parents. The vet tech brought Kitty into us and we all held her and talked for awhile about all the ways she was the best; there were too many count. Even Zach said, “My favorite memories with her are all of them.”

I held her and kissed her ears when the time came. Zach offered to hold her so that I could go outside. Not being with her was never an option though. For her, things would be as they had always been, the two of us together.

Now, it’s just me. I have people around me who love me and support me, but I don’t have Kitty. My life wasn’t the same after we met and it won’t be the same now that she’s gone. Everytime I wake up, for a split second I forget; I don’t move, so my feet don’t disturb her sleeping at the end of the bed, but then I remember. I haven’t picked up the last glass of water that started as mine but quickly became hers.

I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel and a time where the grief will not feel so heavy. But, I cannot see that light.

Moving On Out

Time goes by so quickly. This time last year, I wrote a post about Zach and I moving into our first apartment together and Kitty coming too because she and my dad don't get along. Except, now we're moving out.

Our lease is up at the end of the month, and it puts us in kind of a strange in-between time. So, for the time being, instead of doing month-to-month somewhere, we are going back to my parents' basement.  I loved our space and our apartment and I'm sad to leave it! But, I know that we'll keep moving on to exciting things and new challenges.

Packing has left the house so empty, I know it is COMPLETELY different ... but when I look around at the empty walls and tables ... Empty Chairs at Empty Chairs keeps playing in my head, because you know ... moving furniture is the same as your friends dying in the June Rebellion.

I want to make funny jokes about moving but mostly I feel like this.

The good news is that even though Kitty and my dad are sworn enemies, he's allowing her to live in the basement as long as we: cover all of his furniture, put up a baby gate by the stairs so she can't sneak up to meet him, keep her in my mom's art studio when she isn't supervised and... I think that's it? He mostly doesn't want to know she's there. So, not that bad? Maybe?

I hope that they can put their bad times behind them and come together! Or... just avoid each other for the few months that we will be there.

These boxes are my home now!

Last thing! Zach and I just celebrated our second-dating anniversary! Yay for true love! Maybe it is silly to mark it and celebrate it but whatever. These two years have gone by so fast and been the BEST OF MY LIFE and this is the last time we'll have a dating anniversary because, "once you get married they don't count anymore," (which is BS).

Fancy anniversary perfume! He thinks I smell
bad.

FRANKENKITTY

In December we took Kitty to get her shots and a check up. The vet said her teeth were pretty bad and that in the next 3 - 6 months we should get them cleaned. I told him that she was really bad with her brushing routine ...

During the check up, he examined a small lump on her head. We told him it had been there about a month but hadn't grown. He wasn't worried about it, but said he would remove it when we brought her in for her teeth cleaning since they would anesthetize her for that and this way we wouldn't have to put her under twice.

This morning was three months from that day. I think she knew something was up and she hated it. When we tried to put her in her kennel she scratched up both of our arms and then cried the whole way to vet. When we got there, she regarded me only with stubborn silence.

As I filled out the paperwork, the woman in the front office asked me if I wanted pre-anesthesia blood work. I didn't think she'd need it since she's had operations before, but when the lady looked at her chart she said, "she needs it, she's super old!" She didn't actually say that. She said, "is she really going to be 16 this year? I would recommend it."

I appreciated this advice, but it made me more nervous than I already was about her going under. I know she is getting old, but I like to think of her as still young and immortal ... like me. When I left her and headed to work, I cried in the car. My worst fear is something happening to Kitty.

I'm so thankful we got the blood work, because we got a call saying her kidneys were weak. Not bad, but they wanted to put her on extra fluids throughout the surgery and keep her a couple of extra hours. After that call, all I had to do was wait for them to call me and tell me she was out safely. It seemed like forever! They said they would call between 12 - 2, but it was closer to 3:15.

They told me that everything went well and I was able to pick her up around 5. Unfortunately, they took my sweet little Kitty and replaced her with... FRANKENKITTY!

Gross! The pictures don't do her justice.

Zombie leg! 

She's gross right?? Her FAVORITE spot for rubs is her face and head, so she keeps trying to rub it on me. Poor, Kitty. 

She kept running into walls and falling over when she first got home. But, she's actually doing really well now! She gets awesome prescription food to help her old lady kidneys and Zach has been sneaking her shrimp tonight. 

Crane Folding Frenzy

The wedding is drawing near ... ish. We have roughly ~130 days until THE DAY.

We are getting married at the Tracy Aviary in Salt Lake City, it's a gorgeous venue! Originally we were going to get married up in Yellowstone, but the logistics of that were going to be much too difficult to figure out. We're both pretty simple, so we want a simple, little hassle as possible wedding. Full disclosure, I've tried to convince Zach to elope multiple times, but he's said, "no way, never!!!" So instead we're going to have a birdyful wedding! Did that work? No, probably not. Either way, the wedding is coming together in a way that we are happy with.

I read that you should only DIY one big project for your wedding. I decided our project was going to be folding 1,000 paper cranes. Here is an example of people who have done this at the Aviary:

Pretty right? 

I think it is going to be awesome. In Japan, folding cranes is a way for the couple to build their relationship with each other and with their families and friends, "The time and energy put into the thousand hand-folded origami cranes symbolized the patience and trust necessary to sustain a happy marriage. A couple who could weather the long, time intensive folding process together, supporting each other, talking with each other for weeks while taking on a challenging task was proving their ability to maintain a long term, content relationship." You can read more about it here!

My friend at work thinks this a terrible idea and thinks we should just buy the cranes already folded and save ourselves some time. When I tried to explain the cool Japanese part and even that Zach lived in Japan, he responded, "You both live in America now ..." He dislikes this idea so much that he 1) offered to buy them as a wedding gift and 2) hijacked my Twitter account to post this:

Partly, he's right, this is going to be a really long process. A process, as he pointed out, that we could cut short by spending $20 - $45 on Etsy. We're currently at about 50 cranes, so only 950 more to go! Below see a wonderful example of his vs. her tracking methods ... I think he wins :/ Though, I do love to make a good spreadsheet!

Complete with formulas!!!

"Eventually, I'll run out of space on my sticky."

We're having fun and I do think it is "relationship building". The part about working through the process is true, even if we're watching TV while folding, it is still fun to do together. It is also fun to get our family and friends involved. My mom went and bought paper for us and quite a few of our friends have offered to help, it's even a fun talking point for the (good hearted) dissenters ;)

The Wrath of Gabzilla

I just woke up from a nap. It's 7 on a Friday night, I'm living the life. While this may not veer from the norm (I LOVE to nap), I like to think I have a slightly better excuse today.

Instead of going to work, I took some PTO so I could hang out with my niece Gabzilla. My brother usually has her on Fridays, but had to go out of town. Our dad and his mother-in-law also went out of town, the perfect storm of no one being able to watch the baby!!!

So, fiancé and I volunteered...

At family events there is always a lot of competition for her affections, we rarely, if ever, get one-on-one time with her.  We were both pretty excited to spend some quality time, especially since Zach is her almost uncle now.

We spent the night at my parents last night, since we're not used to waking up before 7 in the morning. This way no matter what, we'd at least be on time to watch her.

When she arrived she was in good spirits but a little grouchy. She cried when her mom left, but quickly fell back asleep. When she woke up from her nap, it was amazing! She was a whole new 13-month old child. It was great! We played games and ran around, until it was time to wake Zach up (who also took a nap).

Unfortunately, this is where things went downhill -- for Zach. We'd pictured having a great day together babysitting, spending time together and get experience taking care of an actual human child. Zilla cannot stand fiancé. She hates his face. She hates his beard. She hates all the things. Maybe she takes after her aunt a little bit on the grumpy scale?

Zach had to spend the rest of the day downstairs. We tried to just keep him out of sight, but whenever he spoke she would lose her sh*t and start screaming and crawling up me. Furthermore, when I sent him downstairs, I had to show her around the rest of the upstairs before she would believe he was gone and clam down. (I should also mention, to add insult to his injury -- my parents' dog stole half of his bagel off the counter.)

I will NOT be your friend almost-uncle Zach

Is it my scary beard?

The bright side, for me, is, that as soon as he disappeared she and I went back to bonding and playing! We had a great time and I got the best baby hugs in the world. I'm not sure if or when Zach and I are going to have kids, honestly, they terrify me. But, one thing is for sure, I definitely love being an aunt.

If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands

I wear my pajamas on my neck

I will cough at you when I see you drinking until you give me your water

Greatest hugs in the world.

2015: In Closing

I know we still have two weeks of 2015, but I plan on being very busy and disconnected the next little while. So, since this might be my last post I want to run through all the highlights.

The year started off with a bang! My first and so far only niece was born January 2nd, but Fiance and I are getting married soon. He has one niece and one nephew, who I think already like me more than they like him.

 
 Secondly, Zach and I moved in together. At first, I was like, "Dude ... you have way too much stuff." But, he is the actual greatest person ever and things have been going really well.

Third, I chopped off a ton of my hair. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm really just waiting for it to grow out again. My dad definitely knows how he feels about it and says I never, ever should have cut it. It's longer than this now, but he's probably right...

Fourth, (and WAY cool) I got engaged to this guy: what a winner!!!

"Don't I kind of look like a hobbit?"

Last big thing, I graduated today (December 18th)!!! I've been working on my Master of Professional Communication for the last year and taking double the classes to finish in half the time. It has been exhausting, but I'm so glad that I'm done now! 

If you look closely, you can see that Gabby is not at all
happy about this. 

All in all, it has been a wonderful year. Two thumbs up ;)

Gratitude: It Can Change Your Life

I'm not going to complain too much in this post (though it is one of my favorite things). All I want to say, is I hate how every year we jump from Halloween straight to Christmas and completely skip Thanksgiving. Let's, just for a moment, focus on the things in our lives that we are grateful for.

Expressing gratitude has legitmate health, well being and physical benefits. See below in this lovely infographic, thingy!!!

I am grateful for a lot of things in my life. I have a wonderful family!!! Including loving parents, grandparents, two brothers and a sister-in-law (and a whole lot of almost in-laws), a gorgeous niece, a great fiance, a few quality friends, a nice home with a Kitty and a good job. I'm far better off than many people in this world and I spend far too little time expressing my gratitude. I'm going to try to do better, we all should!

So, what should we do? I usually just tell you all the funny things that happen in my life, but this time I actually have some action items: 1) focus on the things you are grateful for, write them down and consciously acknowledge them, then 2) tell someone THANK YOU. Call them up or better yet, send a hand-written card.  Let everyone know what they mean to you. 

And, then I found $20

"I'm VERY particular about who holds my stuff!"

Zach always tells me that my stories are bad. Other people, like Kent and Emily, have seconded this opinion. Emily likes to remind me, "You're not funny." And Kent insists listening to me is torture. Once, after hearing a story from me, he said, "I hated that more than I've ever hated anything." Since my stories are so bad, Zach told me that I need to add, "And then I found $20!" at the end of each tale, so at least people will know when the story is over with.

These people are all jerks.

This Saturday Emily and I went to the Farmer's Market in Salt Lake City. We got there around 9:30, which seemed like perfect timing. Except, that no one seemed to have their crap together yet. Each vendor was still setting up and didn't seem ready. We chalked it up to it being the first pop-up market of the year, and started exploring and helping ourselves to samples.

Some people gave us weird looks, but I wasn't really paying attention, since we were trying to entertain Emily's toddler, Jess, who at the moment was upset because she wanted me, not her mom, to hold her milk for her.

We're sooo sneaky!

We were making our way to the front of the market, when I heard someone say, "Are we open yet?" We looked out the front doors and noticed a whole crowd of people standing outside waiting for the market to open. We'd sneaked in the back way and didn't even notice that NO ONE ELSE was in shopping yet.

We hurried and went outside, to wait with everyone else for the last 15 minutes until the market was actually up and running. Surprisingly, when we went back inside all of the vendors were set up and ready to go! I guess waiting until the legitimate opening time actually makes a difference.

Here's where the story gets good, because guess what!? I actually found $20! When I first found it, I wanted to be a good person. I was going to take it to the front desk, in case anyone asked about it. But, unfortunately, I am a bad person.

I didn't intend to spend it, but the first stall I stopped at only accepted cash and it was the only cash I had! Even worse ... the stall was the Salt Lake County Jail's Garden Program. The program is designed to help non-violent inmates receive education and vocational training; with the garden program they grow produce and work at the markets on the weekends.

It is a really cool program and I love to buy something from them every time I go to the market, except this time ... I gave the prisoners stolen money. I find this kind of funny and kind of wrong. Well, maybe super wrong.

Luckily once we left the market with all of our goodies, nothing else happened. We went to Even Stevens for lunch, a sandwich shop that donates meals to the homeless, and I didn't even use stolen money to buy my soup! ... because Emily bought it for me. 

The Great Outdoors

Last weekend Fiance experienced an important rite of passage -- he went deer hunting with my dad. Hunting in my family (I know this is weird on a veg blog, so let's skip over that. K?) is not like normal hunting.

My great-grandpa started going to the La Sal mountains roughly sixty years ago, since then this tradition has continued to grow. My dad has been hunting in the same spot since he was eight. His friends from high school come and bring their kids. His sister and her family come. Sometimes, family from New Mexico comes in.

Last year, I went up hunting as a bystander, and it was more of a family event. However this year, my mom and I opted out and decided to go on our own trip -- leaving Fiance alone with my dad, his friends and my younger brother -- some of the craziest people I know.

OK. So I'm going to start by saying, he survived. But barely. First, he might have crashed my dad's four-wheeler. Apparently it looked pretty bad, but he was lucky enough to escape with a few scrapes on his hands and a sore neck.

Secondly, he gorged himself on so much fried pork, chicken wings, cheese burgers and bratwursts that (in one meal) that he woke up in the middle of the night to puke. Twice.

Finally! While Fiance survived, so did the deer that he saw! Huzzah!

I knew it was a success because a couple days after the hunt, my brother Nick called. When I asked how things went, he said, "Is Zach around?" And then said, he'd tell me later, when he wasn't around. I called him when I was walking over to the gym and said, "What did you want to talk about that you wouldn't say in front of Zach?" He replied, "Oh, just that we had a good time and it was a lot fun," followed by a lot of laughing (he's a weird kid). This is a glorious compliment, considering he hasn't liked anyone else I've been in a serious relationship with.

So, win for everyone! Hopefully, Fiance will go back next year and continue his survival streak, for both himself and the deer.

Last year's crowd!

Fall is HERE!

Fall is here and fall is the greatest time ever!!!
There are so many things to love about fall!

This is my Top Ten list:
1. It is no longer as hot as balls!
2. The leaves are changing to fabulous colors.
3. Everything smells like cinnamon and spiced lattes!
4. Crisp morning air.
5. If I ever decide to stop wearing jeans and a t-shirt everyday -- fall fashions are the best fashions
6. Pumpkins! -- pie, jack-o-lanterns!
7. Soup weather
8. Soft, glowy light that's makes the world look like Rivendale
9. Sweaters that look like blankets!!!
10. Gorgeous hiking!

It  has been pretty busy lately, but not in a bad way. I finished my MBA seminar so I've had a little, three week break from school. Fiance and I went to New Hampshire so he could interview at Darmouth's MBA program. I fell in love with the town and the school! Hanover was small and quite, just my kind of place. I could imagine running around for hours and not worrying about going into a bad part of town. I know it is small-minded, but a lot of the schools Zach is applying too are in big cities. As a small, Utah girl, I don't know if I could be comfortable living in one.  But, New England is beautiful, hopefully soon we will have a reason to go back.

I've also taken advantage of the hiking weather. This Saturday, Kevin and I hiked Mount Ogden. It was about 10 miles round trip and we crushed it, finishing in less than three and a half hours (3:25). The ascent was about 3,200 ft.  Overall, it was a great hike. Pretty quick and not to difficult with the exceptions of some steep ascents at the summit. It didn't rain on us, but at some points became incredibly foggy! We were walking in the clouds.

I am surprised that I've spent my whole life in Utah and have never gotten around to doing some of the major peak hikes in the area. Especially since I try to hike as often as I can. Luckily, when we did Mount Ogden we got a pretty early start, so we were already making our way back down the mountain when others were heading up.

Finally, in true October fashion (stole the idea!!) Fiance and I are going to start watching scary movies in the evenings this month. I'm open to suggestions if you have any good ones you want to share or any Netflix-bad ones.

I. Can't. Run.

I have mixed feelings about planning this wedding. Some of you may be saying, "Planning a wedding? Whitney, you still have ten months to go. Chill out!" By some people, I mean my fiance named Boyfriend and my stupid only friend/non-friend Emily. They might simultaneously be my favorite and least favorite people on the planet.

I love to plan things, but I hate to spend money, have attention on me and long drawn out processes.

So far, the planning really hasn't been that bad. For me. Emily and Zach need to tell me about 15 times per day that things will work out just fine and that I should stop stressing and that I'm a dummy head (Emily). So, they might have a different story to tell you about "how bad" it's been. And the good news, is that I can throw the "you still have ten months" comment in their faces because guess who gets to listen to me for those ten months????? Um. Yeah. 

In other news, I have a half marathon next weekend. I'm not ready. The last half marathon I did was a bust. A big fat one. I went into it already bored and not ready to run. My running partner and I split up pretty early on in the race, I wasn't going to hold him back. This is the first race I didn't finish. Ever! 

I thought maybe it would feel like a big deal, but I really didn't care. I still don't. I quit the race 10.5 miles into the 13.1 mile race. I just got to a point and said, "I'm done." and walked off the path. Since it was a midnight half-marathon, I needed to call Boyfriend to come pick me up, which he did! He got up at midnight, to come pick me up in the middle of nowhere-Centerville and followed my horrible directions that resulted in multiple wrong turns. Guys, he still asked me to marry him AFTER this. I should make sure he doesn't read this blog so that he isn't reminded of this ... 

This pathetic event got me back in the gym and I've been doing such a good job and feeling GREAT. But, it hasn't gotten me back on the track/road. I don't want to run right now! It is incredibly foreign to me. I've always been able to say, "I'm a runner." and now, I just say, "meh."

Whenever I think about running it makes me cringe inside. I don't go for a lot of mumbo-jumbo, but I think it is a psychological reaction. I ran a lot during my divorce, the last days of my marriage and throughout other, recent hard times. Lately, whenever I've finished a run I'm filled with rage. Just ask Boyfriend. One time he said, "How was your run?" And, I replied "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? DON'T ASK ME THAT!!!" and then I stomped off. It was psycho. 

So, running. Not a good thing right now. I'm still going to do this half marathon, but I'm going to take my time and do whatever. I love the upcoming race, I've done it every year since its creation. It goes down through the canyon and I get to see all of the fall colors, so I'm going to try and enjoy it. But other than that running isn't for me right now. I am enjoying my time on the elliptical while watching the Mindy Project and the old guys who play racquetball in the morning ... ohlalala! 

Practicing Good Behavior

First, I want to thank everyone for being awesome. We're very happy and pretty psyched to be getting married! Now, we get to start planning the wedding (even though I not-so-secretly wish we could elope)!

It's going to be a little weird to just jump in and write about other things, when what I want to write is: We'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarried
We'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarried. For about 17 pages. But! I'll refrain and have a little bit of regularly scheduled programming. To ease the transition, I've uploaded this Kitty video.

This semester I'm taking a seminar through the MBA program called Leadership Through People Skills. It has been really interesting. While I've loved the MPC program, it hasn't had any management or leadership training*. So far my classes have focused mainly on marketing and public relations, which is good ... since the majority of us work in some form of marketing. But, I imagine quite a few of us want to continue to move up the ladder and will need to improve our management skills to do so. It isn't easy.

The seminar is rewarding, even if it is on Friday and Saturday, but emotionally draining. We have to go through multiple practice role plays with difficult personalities. During the role plays our classmates film us, and then we have to sit down and shut up while they critique us -- usually ripping our attempts to shreds.

Me pretending to be Q1
for a classmate to sharpen his skills

In the last couple of sessions, I think I made actual improvement in dealing with some of these different situations. And, of course, I want to be able to apply it in real life: at work and at home. This means that Boyfriend is now my live-in lab rat. The first weekend our teacher told us to go home and ruffle someone's feathers, and then try to use our Q4 skills to manage the behavior. Fortunately, I'm so good at being annoying I didn't even have to try to frustrate Boyfiren

I think the point of all this is that I would like to make my life and relationships better. As we go through class and watch the videos, most of us get rated as "Q1" behavior, which you want to avoid. When this happens, it is eye opening, but scary because I think this is how people perceive us all of the time. One guy in class pretty much outright said I'm a difficult person. I was trying to show restraint during the role play and he gave me credit for not being as mean as I normally am...

After sizing myself up in the seminar I think I fluctuate pretty regularly between Q1, Q2 with Q3 masking. Essentially, I'm bossy, then dismissive and if all else fails, I'll be chipper to smooth it all over.

Trying to manage a real-life case
with my classmate playing a Q3

Through this all, we come across as only wanting to stick to our own agendas and we don't have time to listen to others. It takes a lot of tearing down and intentional behavior to avoid this. It leaves me wondering if I have what it takes, or would I rather just revert to old habits?

Reverting to old habits would certainly be easier, but then will I get the same old results? And, like I said, not just in working relationships, but my interpersonal relationships too. I'd like to make an intentional shift, especially as I start a new transition and as Zach and I are merging our families. Maybe, this will make a difference or help me.

If you want to check out the seminar I've been working through you can go to this site or check out this book!

* To be fair to the communications program, I think some of the electives that I haven't taken did focus on management and leadership roles.   

Another Yellowstone Adventure

Boyfriend and I went to Yellowstone again this weekend. It was a short trip because I'm taking a Saturday class. Per usual, our trip was outstanding! Every time we visit Yellowstone we experience new things and as soon as we leave, I start planning our next adventure back.

This trip, though short, had a few distinct highlights. The first was our hike on the Howard Eaton Trail to the Lone Star geyser. When we got to the geyser, the sign said it erupted every three hours. We decided we would wait for about 15 minutes before turning around and hiking back. Almost as soon as we said that the geyser started to bubble and erupted, shooting steam and water 30 feet into the air.

It was really cool! And honestly, when we started Howard Eaten we didn't know we would find a geyser at the end. We just saw a sign near the trail that said, "Lone Star Geyser .3 miles." Since it wasn't far we continued on, I'm so glad that we did.

After the Howard Eaton trek, we jumped right into another adventure. We walked the Fairy Falls trail to get a better view of the Grand Prismatic Spring, by far one of the most amazing, non-wildlife, sites in the entire park.

Found this Boy in a tree! 

Oooh!

Aaaah!

Awe <3 comment-3--="">

Beautiful bird's nest!

After our two hikes, which probably totaled a solid 10+ miles, I was ready for something a little bit more low key. We went to the Midway Geyser basin pullout and walked along the river for a little while. About ten minutes into our walk I wandered off to show Boyfriend something by the Madison River, I was a few steps ahead of him when he said, "Maybe, show me when you have this," I ignored him and kept walking until I realized he wasn't walking anymore. I turned around and there he was, standing, then kneeling with a ring in his hand. Can you believe it?? I really couldn't. A little bit of me still can't! After he asked me to marry him, I made a really, really bad joke and said, "No..." he just stared at me. I told him I was teasing and bad at jokes and of course "yes!" and then after  some hugs, kisses and crying, we just sat and watched the river. It was so perfect. Just the two of us, nothing fancy and in our favorite place.

When we got back to camp, we got out a bottle of wine, now dubbed "engagement wine," and passed it back and forth (we didn't bring cups on this trip), while sharing what we were most looking forward to about our future. 

So....yeah. While nothing could top this, we did wake up early the next day to fulfill our lifelong dreams of seeing the wolves in Yellowstone. We have tried on multiple occasions to succeed in this task, but every time we try one of us (maybe me) gets really angry and scary in the mornings if you try to wake them up. This time we actually did it though! We were out of camp by 4:30 and into Lamar Valley by 5:50, plenty of time to scope out a spot. We waited for about an hour and a half before seeing anything. It was a freezing 25 degrees while we waited, but it was worth it once we spotted our first wolf. While the wolves we saw were far from us, we could clearly see 4 - 5 of them bedded down and starting to move around for the day. Based on their positions, I assume that they had been right under our noses the entire morning.

While small, in the following pictures, you can distinctly see the black wolf making its way up the hillside. The were bedded on the hill and near its base and one-by-one made their way up and over the top, where we think they had a kill, since each time a wolf walked over the hill, a flock of magpies would fly away, circle around and head back.

It was a wonderful trip. The wolves were amazing, but the best part was of course, the proposal and agreeing to marry my awesome boyfriend. I was shocked that he proposed, which made it even better. He even talked to my parents without me knowing and planned everything in secret. I still say, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" every time I think about it. Boyfriend is great and we have a lot of fun together and of course, we love each other very much, even though its sappy and gross. Oh! And to clarify, I am still going to call Boyfriend, Boyfriend even though he is my betrothed. On occasion, maybe I'll call him Boyfriend Level 2, or BL2, since that sounds cool ...