The Great Outdoors

Last weekend Fiance experienced an important rite of passage -- he went deer hunting with my dad. Hunting in my family (I know this is weird on a veg blog, so let's skip over that. K?) is not like normal hunting.

My great-grandpa started going to the La Sal mountains roughly sixty years ago, since then this tradition has continued to grow. My dad has been hunting in the same spot since he was eight. His friends from high school come and bring their kids. His sister and her family come. Sometimes, family from New Mexico comes in.

Last year, I went up hunting as a bystander, and it was more of a family event. However this year, my mom and I opted out and decided to go on our own trip -- leaving Fiance alone with my dad, his friends and my younger brother -- some of the craziest people I know.

OK. So I'm going to start by saying, he survived. But barely. First, he might have crashed my dad's four-wheeler. Apparently it looked pretty bad, but he was lucky enough to escape with a few scrapes on his hands and a sore neck.

Secondly, he gorged himself on so much fried pork, chicken wings, cheese burgers and bratwursts that (in one meal) that he woke up in the middle of the night to puke. Twice.

Finally! While Fiance survived, so did the deer that he saw! Huzzah!

I knew it was a success because a couple days after the hunt, my brother Nick called. When I asked how things went, he said, "Is Zach around?" And then said, he'd tell me later, when he wasn't around. I called him when I was walking over to the gym and said, "What did you want to talk about that you wouldn't say in front of Zach?" He replied, "Oh, just that we had a good time and it was a lot fun," followed by a lot of laughing (he's a weird kid). This is a glorious compliment, considering he hasn't liked anyone else I've been in a serious relationship with.

So, win for everyone! Hopefully, Fiance will go back next year and continue his survival streak, for both himself and the deer.

Last year's crowd!

Fall is HERE!

Fall is here and fall is the greatest time ever!!!
There are so many things to love about fall!

This is my Top Ten list:
1. It is no longer as hot as balls!
2. The leaves are changing to fabulous colors.
3. Everything smells like cinnamon and spiced lattes!
4. Crisp morning air.
5. If I ever decide to stop wearing jeans and a t-shirt everyday -- fall fashions are the best fashions
6. Pumpkins! -- pie, jack-o-lanterns!
7. Soup weather
8. Soft, glowy light that's makes the world look like Rivendale
9. Sweaters that look like blankets!!!
10. Gorgeous hiking!

It  has been pretty busy lately, but not in a bad way. I finished my MBA seminar so I've had a little, three week break from school. Fiance and I went to New Hampshire so he could interview at Darmouth's MBA program. I fell in love with the town and the school! Hanover was small and quite, just my kind of place. I could imagine running around for hours and not worrying about going into a bad part of town. I know it is small-minded, but a lot of the schools Zach is applying too are in big cities. As a small, Utah girl, I don't know if I could be comfortable living in one.  But, New England is beautiful, hopefully soon we will have a reason to go back.

I've also taken advantage of the hiking weather. This Saturday, Kevin and I hiked Mount Ogden. It was about 10 miles round trip and we crushed it, finishing in less than three and a half hours (3:25). The ascent was about 3,200 ft.  Overall, it was a great hike. Pretty quick and not to difficult with the exceptions of some steep ascents at the summit. It didn't rain on us, but at some points became incredibly foggy! We were walking in the clouds.

I am surprised that I've spent my whole life in Utah and have never gotten around to doing some of the major peak hikes in the area. Especially since I try to hike as often as I can. Luckily, when we did Mount Ogden we got a pretty early start, so we were already making our way back down the mountain when others were heading up.

Finally, in true October fashion (stole the idea!!) Fiance and I are going to start watching scary movies in the evenings this month. I'm open to suggestions if you have any good ones you want to share or any Netflix-bad ones.

I. Can't. Run.

I have mixed feelings about planning this wedding. Some of you may be saying, "Planning a wedding? Whitney, you still have ten months to go. Chill out!" By some people, I mean my fiance named Boyfriend and my stupid only friend/non-friend Emily. They might simultaneously be my favorite and least favorite people on the planet.

I love to plan things, but I hate to spend money, have attention on me and long drawn out processes.

So far, the planning really hasn't been that bad. For me. Emily and Zach need to tell me about 15 times per day that things will work out just fine and that I should stop stressing and that I'm a dummy head (Emily). So, they might have a different story to tell you about "how bad" it's been. And the good news, is that I can throw the "you still have ten months" comment in their faces because guess who gets to listen to me for those ten months????? Um. Yeah. 

In other news, I have a half marathon next weekend. I'm not ready. The last half marathon I did was a bust. A big fat one. I went into it already bored and not ready to run. My running partner and I split up pretty early on in the race, I wasn't going to hold him back. This is the first race I didn't finish. Ever! 

I thought maybe it would feel like a big deal, but I really didn't care. I still don't. I quit the race 10.5 miles into the 13.1 mile race. I just got to a point and said, "I'm done." and walked off the path. Since it was a midnight half-marathon, I needed to call Boyfriend to come pick me up, which he did! He got up at midnight, to come pick me up in the middle of nowhere-Centerville and followed my horrible directions that resulted in multiple wrong turns. Guys, he still asked me to marry him AFTER this. I should make sure he doesn't read this blog so that he isn't reminded of this ... 

This pathetic event got me back in the gym and I've been doing such a good job and feeling GREAT. But, it hasn't gotten me back on the track/road. I don't want to run right now! It is incredibly foreign to me. I've always been able to say, "I'm a runner." and now, I just say, "meh."

Whenever I think about running it makes me cringe inside. I don't go for a lot of mumbo-jumbo, but I think it is a psychological reaction. I ran a lot during my divorce, the last days of my marriage and throughout other, recent hard times. Lately, whenever I've finished a run I'm filled with rage. Just ask Boyfriend. One time he said, "How was your run?" And, I replied "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? DON'T ASK ME THAT!!!" and then I stomped off. It was psycho. 

So, running. Not a good thing right now. I'm still going to do this half marathon, but I'm going to take my time and do whatever. I love the upcoming race, I've done it every year since its creation. It goes down through the canyon and I get to see all of the fall colors, so I'm going to try and enjoy it. But other than that running isn't for me right now. I am enjoying my time on the elliptical while watching the Mindy Project and the old guys who play racquetball in the morning ... ohlalala! 

Practicing Good Behavior

First, I want to thank everyone for being awesome. We're very happy and pretty psyched to be getting married! Now, we get to start planning the wedding (even though I not-so-secretly wish we could elope)!

It's going to be a little weird to just jump in and write about other things, when what I want to write is: We'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarried
We'regettingmarriedWe'regettingmarried. For about 17 pages. But! I'll refrain and have a little bit of regularly scheduled programming. To ease the transition, I've uploaded this Kitty video.

This semester I'm taking a seminar through the MBA program called Leadership Through People Skills. It has been really interesting. While I've loved the MPC program, it hasn't had any management or leadership training*. So far my classes have focused mainly on marketing and public relations, which is good ... since the majority of us work in some form of marketing. But, I imagine quite a few of us want to continue to move up the ladder and will need to improve our management skills to do so. It isn't easy.

The seminar is rewarding, even if it is on Friday and Saturday, but emotionally draining. We have to go through multiple practice role plays with difficult personalities. During the role plays our classmates film us, and then we have to sit down and shut up while they critique us -- usually ripping our attempts to shreds.

Me pretending to be Q1
for a classmate to sharpen his skills

In the last couple of sessions, I think I made actual improvement in dealing with some of these different situations. And, of course, I want to be able to apply it in real life: at work and at home. This means that Boyfriend is now my live-in lab rat. The first weekend our teacher told us to go home and ruffle someone's feathers, and then try to use our Q4 skills to manage the behavior. Fortunately, I'm so good at being annoying I didn't even have to try to frustrate Boyfiren

I think the point of all this is that I would like to make my life and relationships better. As we go through class and watch the videos, most of us get rated as "Q1" behavior, which you want to avoid. When this happens, it is eye opening, but scary because I think this is how people perceive us all of the time. One guy in class pretty much outright said I'm a difficult person. I was trying to show restraint during the role play and he gave me credit for not being as mean as I normally am...

After sizing myself up in the seminar I think I fluctuate pretty regularly between Q1, Q2 with Q3 masking. Essentially, I'm bossy, then dismissive and if all else fails, I'll be chipper to smooth it all over.

Trying to manage a real-life case
with my classmate playing a Q3

Through this all, we come across as only wanting to stick to our own agendas and we don't have time to listen to others. It takes a lot of tearing down and intentional behavior to avoid this. It leaves me wondering if I have what it takes, or would I rather just revert to old habits?

Reverting to old habits would certainly be easier, but then will I get the same old results? And, like I said, not just in working relationships, but my interpersonal relationships too. I'd like to make an intentional shift, especially as I start a new transition and as Zach and I are merging our families. Maybe, this will make a difference or help me.

If you want to check out the seminar I've been working through you can go to this site or check out this book!

* To be fair to the communications program, I think some of the electives that I haven't taken did focus on management and leadership roles.   

Another Yellowstone Adventure

Boyfriend and I went to Yellowstone again this weekend. It was a short trip because I'm taking a Saturday class. Per usual, our trip was outstanding! Every time we visit Yellowstone we experience new things and as soon as we leave, I start planning our next adventure back.

This trip, though short, had a few distinct highlights. The first was our hike on the Howard Eaton Trail to the Lone Star geyser. When we got to the geyser, the sign said it erupted every three hours. We decided we would wait for about 15 minutes before turning around and hiking back. Almost as soon as we said that the geyser started to bubble and erupted, shooting steam and water 30 feet into the air.

It was really cool! And honestly, when we started Howard Eaten we didn't know we would find a geyser at the end. We just saw a sign near the trail that said, "Lone Star Geyser .3 miles." Since it wasn't far we continued on, I'm so glad that we did.

After the Howard Eaton trek, we jumped right into another adventure. We walked the Fairy Falls trail to get a better view of the Grand Prismatic Spring, by far one of the most amazing, non-wildlife, sites in the entire park.

Found this Boy in a tree! 

Oooh!

Aaaah!

Awe <3 comment-3--="">

Beautiful bird's nest!

After our two hikes, which probably totaled a solid 10+ miles, I was ready for something a little bit more low key. We went to the Midway Geyser basin pullout and walked along the river for a little while. About ten minutes into our walk I wandered off to show Boyfriend something by the Madison River, I was a few steps ahead of him when he said, "Maybe, show me when you have this," I ignored him and kept walking until I realized he wasn't walking anymore. I turned around and there he was, standing, then kneeling with a ring in his hand. Can you believe it?? I really couldn't. A little bit of me still can't! After he asked me to marry him, I made a really, really bad joke and said, "No..." he just stared at me. I told him I was teasing and bad at jokes and of course "yes!" and then after  some hugs, kisses and crying, we just sat and watched the river. It was so perfect. Just the two of us, nothing fancy and in our favorite place.

When we got back to camp, we got out a bottle of wine, now dubbed "engagement wine," and passed it back and forth (we didn't bring cups on this trip), while sharing what we were most looking forward to about our future. 

So....yeah. While nothing could top this, we did wake up early the next day to fulfill our lifelong dreams of seeing the wolves in Yellowstone. We have tried on multiple occasions to succeed in this task, but every time we try one of us (maybe me) gets really angry and scary in the mornings if you try to wake them up. This time we actually did it though! We were out of camp by 4:30 and into Lamar Valley by 5:50, plenty of time to scope out a spot. We waited for about an hour and a half before seeing anything. It was a freezing 25 degrees while we waited, but it was worth it once we spotted our first wolf. While the wolves we saw were far from us, we could clearly see 4 - 5 of them bedded down and starting to move around for the day. Based on their positions, I assume that they had been right under our noses the entire morning.

While small, in the following pictures, you can distinctly see the black wolf making its way up the hillside. The were bedded on the hill and near its base and one-by-one made their way up and over the top, where we think they had a kill, since each time a wolf walked over the hill, a flock of magpies would fly away, circle around and head back.

It was a wonderful trip. The wolves were amazing, but the best part was of course, the proposal and agreeing to marry my awesome boyfriend. I was shocked that he proposed, which made it even better. He even talked to my parents without me knowing and planned everything in secret. I still say, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" every time I think about it. Boyfriend is great and we have a lot of fun together and of course, we love each other very much, even though its sappy and gross. Oh! And to clarify, I am still going to call Boyfriend, Boyfriend even though he is my betrothed. On occasion, maybe I'll call him Boyfriend Level 2, or BL2, since that sounds cool ...

Twelve Days of Date Night

The last couple of posts have been kind of downers. Way too many feelings. I'm going to avoid that this time.

Last September Boyfriend, who is amazing, started date night. He text me one day and said, "Do you have plans for this day (random day in September)?" When I said, "No." He said... "OK. We're going on a date." 

Thus, date night was born! We had so much fun on his impromptu date that we decided to make it "a thing". In this post, I'm going to list the dates we've done and my feelings on them. No! Not feelings, thoughts. The things I think. Some of these things were just passing one-time goes, but others are still around! So, maybe this post will come in handy on those days when you can't think of anything else to do with your special someone and give you some great date night ideas. 

September (Inaugural DATE NIGHT!)

• Paint Nite
• Cedars of Lebanon 
• This was one of my favorite Date Nights. It went so well! Paint Nite is incredibly fun and I recommend it to anyone. Frequently, there are Groupons for this that are two-for-one. You should get one! 
• Dinner this night was great too, if you haven't been to Cedars of Lebanon, you should check it out. It's a little pricey, but worth it. 

October

• After we made date night a thing, we decided we would switch months and that each month must include, 1) a new place to eat and 2) an activity neither one of us has done before. 
• I can't remember what we ate this time ... I'm kind of sad about it. We did a terrible job keeping track of all of our dates night ideas. I do remember our activity though, we went to Color Me Mine on 25th street to paint ceramics. This worked out doubly well for me, since I forgot to pick up our pieces until December, so I gave them to Boyfriend as a Christmas present. 

November

• In November, Boyfriend was in charge and he decided to combine dinner AND our activity.
• Brewvies in South Salt Lake. While I had a lot of fun and enjoyed the movie and the idea of being able to enjoy a meal and a drink in the theater, it is poorly executed. The food is waaaay overpriced. We paid $9 for a gross salad for me and $11 for chicken fingers for Boyfriend. Neither one of us finished our meal. I hear the Movie Grill in Ogden does a better job -- roomier seats, better environment, etc. So, we may check that out. 

December

• Zoolights and Blue Iguana
• I loved Zoolights! This is an annual thing, go this year if you get the chance! The animals were much more active in the evening, we heard the lions roaring and ...other stuff. It was cold but fun! And, the night ended with a bang! I was running around and turned and almost ran right into my ex-brother in-law and parents in-law. It was terrifying. I don't recommend that part.
• After Zoolights we went to Blue Iguana. I broke the rules here. Blue Iguana was already one of our favorite places to eat. We hadn't been there in awhile and I thought it would be fun to go. We love their food and they have good vegetarian and vegan options, though I mostly pig out on the chips and salsa. 
• I'm pretty sure after dinner we went to the Christmas lights in Temple Square and I tricked Boyfriend into going to City Creek so I could try on dresses for his cousin's wedding. 

January

• This time Boyfriend piggy backed off the fact that we were already in SLC for Comic Con. 
• For dinner we went to some fancy Mexican place. I really wish I could remember the name, but I can't. They had great rice and I ate cheese for the first time in a long time because I was sick of Boyfriend complaining about it all the time. 
• After dinner we went ice skating at the Gallivan Center. Initially, I thought this was a great idea and would be so much fun! But, it turns out that Boyfriend is a really, really bad ice skater. It was still fun. We made it around the rink ...at least once. Probably. 

February

• I, um, can't remember where we ate this time. Sometimes, I suck.
• For our activity we went and saw a documentary about Humpback Whales at the Clark Planetarium. Now, you may be thinking this sounds really lame, but .. it wasn't. It was awesome. Boyfriend and I are both nature nerds though, so we are biased to like nature-nerd documentaries. 

March 

• I wrote about March before when I got my tattoo.
• For lunch we went to Zest in downtown Salt Lake. It was good but not great. I'm not sure I would recommend it. It was a little too hip for me. I'm not that hip.
• For the activity, I got a tattoo. I don't recommend repeating this either. I love my tattoo, but if you plan a secret date ... maybe don't plan it around the other person permanently marking their flesh unless you know them really well ;)

April 

• I had been planning something else for awhile, but when I heard that Cirque du Soleil  was coming to Salt Lake, I jumped on it.
• For dinner we went to Eva's Bakery, a little shop with some really good food. We discovered them at the farmer's market, where they sell their bread, and decided to visit their location. 
• After dinner we went to the show, it was called Varekai and about Icarus.  

May

• This is the month where things started to go downhill. 
• Dinner was at a place called Stoneground. Someone that Boyfriend works with recommended it. It seemed OK in the beginning, but it was awful. We got pasta, which cost about $20 a plate and was nothing special. And, the service was bad. The waiters were cold, distant and rude. In the hour or so we were there, no one even came back to refill our water. 
• After dinner we went to Off-Broadway Theater in Salt Lake. I'll admit, I had wanted to see a play here, but five minutes after the Revengers started, a spoof on the Avengers, I wanted to leave or gouge my eyes out. It wasn't funny. The characters over acted and the jokes were dull. I hated it. 

June

• June was another bomb. I wrote about this in La-la-la-goooon. 
• Boyfriend got sick, we ate at Arby's. That is really all I need to say. 

July

• July wasn't exactly bad, it just wasn't great. The food was good, we went to a Mediterranean restaurant that  was fast casual. then we went to Shakespeare in the park. The acting was actually pretty good for community theater, but we couldn't hear anything because they had no sound equipment. We left at intermission. 

August

• After three months of crappy-ass dates, I knew that we needed to pull out of this rut. I bugged asked everyone at work for good ideas. I had tossed a few things around, when Kent pulled up the aviary. He wanted to take his daughters, 6 and 2, to see the birds. I thought this was a great idea and so I based date night on plans that a toddler had. 
• It turns out, the aviary is awesome. We both loved it. Like I said earlier, we are both nature lovers, but I don't think you have to be to love it here. We saw itty-bitty baby quail and heard some swans having a rap battle. 

• For lunch, we went to Even Stevens sandwiches. The food was awesome! We are planning on going back later this week! There are so many things to try here and they have sandwich and beer pairings, my favorite things combined. 

Go do both of these things on your next date night. August was a win. So, the pressure is on next month for Boyfriend and the official start of Date Night: Year Two. 

Sometimes, I'm a butt head

Lately, I've been a bit of a butt head. Shocking!!! Because usually I'm so calm. Some of it is probably due to stress and being over-tired from work and school. Some of it has started to come up as Boyfriend and I move forward. I'm going to write about some of it here so I don't keep it bottled up, it's called "processing."

So, what does being a butt head involve?? Mostly, a lot of jealousy, snippishness and insecurities poking into my daily life, causing a ruckus. Some of these fears are leftover from my past and my horrendous marriage.

When I was younger, I never worried about people or families accepting me. Of course I didn't get along with everyone, but for the most part I assumed it was a given that people should be nice. My ex-in-laws and ex-husband destroyed this notion pretty quickly. My ex-mother in-law makes Professor Umbridge look like a doll and my ex-husband makes Sauron seem saintly.

In the short year I was married, I had never struggled with myself so much. It felt like nothing I did was ever right, I was constantly apologizing for offenses my mother in-law engineered, beating myself up and comparing myself to others.

During my marriage, when things were bad, my ex-husband used to tell me no one else would love me or know how to "deal" with me. He would ask rhetorical questions like, "Do you honestly think if you divorce me your family will still love you? If they know what you're really like?" I believed him. I was so scared and embarrassed. He had turned a marriage, where everything is shared, into a blackmail, hostage situation.

Believing him for a second was a second too long, but this went on for months until in December 2013 I realized I didn't care what he did anymore. I was exhausted. Even if no one loved me, I was still moving back to Utah. To be alone, to be whatever. An old boss had offered me a job so I knew I wouldn't starve.

Of course things turned out much better than this. After I left my ex made good on his "threats" and constantly messaged my family and friends to tell them how I awful I was. He mostly showed them what a jerk he really was.  My family supported me. They were thrilled and my mom said she's never been so happy as when I left him.

And, for the most part, I'm fine and moving on.

An example of a Boyfriend joke,
 drawing dinosaurs on the dressing room doors while I shop.
He is both funny and cute.

But, every once in awhile, and with stress more now than before, I find my old insecurities and gun-shy tendencies creeping up -- what if Boyfriend's family doesn't like me? What if I can't do anything right? What if he wishes I was someone else? What if I mess everything up?

During these times I again find myself apologizing for everything and beating myself up for being too fat, too ugly, too dumb, too silly, too clumsy, too much of everything awful. And it isn't just with Boyfriend. It hurts my relationships with friends and my own family.

Boyfriend is really great, but not perfect. He does his best to help me, but after awhile my insecurities start to affect us and chip away. Instead of laughing at his jokes and spending the day snuggling on the couch, I snap because of little things and start a fight or apologize and start crying.

I want to let us, be us without the past rearing its ugly head. I want to be able to learn from my marriage and let it make me stronger. To be fair, in a lot of ways it has. My friend Kent says that I could write my own relationship book based on the good things I have learned from the bad things I went through, and maybe he's right. I just need to implement what I've learned instead of reverting.

My goals are going to be focus on the small, good things that are going on right now. Take time to rest and not be overrun by school and work, when I get tired I'm more likely to do poorly (I think this is universal, right? Tired = grumpy).

Counseling isn't out of the question but it isn't an option I want to pursue right now. I had some really good help during and after the divorce and I don't think I need to go back right now. I'm going to be more mindful and maybe download an app or something, and of course listen to Katy Perry.

I'm a firm believer that there isn't anything Katy Perry can't fix, so I'm going to listen to her songs on repeat, especially Love Me, from her Prism album. Because, duh.

Eventually I want to be as happy in life, as Kitty is in this ray of sunshine!