Tuesday, July 14, 2015

New Insights and New Projects

This post may be a little too introspective for most people, and that's OK. Skip it!

I had a talk with my ex recently. It was dumb to respond to him, but sometimes I'm dumb, so I did. It's great. After our "discussions" I'm usually pretty grumpy and ready to stew. He was really bad at a lot of things, but reminding me exactly why I am happy he is my ex has never been one of those things.

I made the mistake of telling him that we weren't ever going to be friends, but we shouldn't be enemies, which was clearly wrong. Here is a summary of his response: I have not been thinking about what you think/feel about me in the slightest. You got what you wanted and I have been trying to avoid any trigger that would bring you into thought. I have come to terms with my actions, my past inability to see truth in others*, and knowing that I have no control over others' actions toward me**.

So, just as I was starting to bristle at his self-righteous response I realized something... he's right, "You got what you wanted".

I got what I wanted out of this, and more. Yes, it sucks having someone you were married to hate you, but that's small change in comparison to the trade off. The trade off for me being, I don't have to spend the next 60 years in a miserable marriage, so why would I feel bad or guilty now that I got out of it?

I got out of a dangerous situation before permanent damage was done for either of us (i.e. kids!), I got to move back home, be close to my family. I got to find a great job with amazing people and eventually find a great Boyfriend who accepts me just as I am. So, yeah, despite everything else, even the really shitty times, and anything else that might be said, I got what I wanted and I'm really happy with where my life is.

One hundred percent moved on isn't going to be an overnight thing and maybe sometimes I'll still be a little bit bummed, but I'm moving forward from 1) Yes, having gotten exactly what I wanted and 2) being happy with those choices and where they have placed me.

And, that brings me to my next point!

New Project

For awhile, since I stopped cooking a lot, I have been struggling to find purpose for my blog. As much as I love complaining about ... well, everything ... no one is getting anything out of it, not even me.

The book! The book! 
I'm going to be redoing this blog soon, as part of a personal branding project for school. I'm going to be adding a personal portfolio and professional profile as the main website and this blog will be sectioned off as a smaller part of that. I will also do a better job of breaking it off into different subjects and highlighting areas of interest.

Anyways ... As part of this refocus, I decided to sign-up for an online non-fiction writing course and to buy a step-by-step writing guide to keep me on track and give me some purpose. I'll try to keep a regimen and work at a regular pace with a set schedule as I develop some personal essays.

I was inspired by my former professor and friend Becky Jo, who went to writing workshops and created some really wonderful blog pieces, and later published essays, based on her personal experiences. As I said, mine will be clearly marked! You can skip the sappy stuff.

As I go through this process, maybe people will continue to not get something out of these posts. But, for now, I will and that is really all I care about with this project.

*he means me
**he means me

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